The Storms in 20th
It was “…we were too good to be true”, she said. After everything that I did turns into a chaotic turns of events. I’m not really sure where this things really going, to the end that surely it does looks like it, or the beginning of something, which is astonishingly cliché yet that’s what i’m longing for, begging for, wishing for, even dying for.
“Oh Mon Dieu, tu as de beaux yeux, je ne peux pas vivre sans toi” I whispered. About her—she is the limitation of my kind of perfection, she is the paradigm that significantly shaping myself, she is the foundation of the crystal clear assumptions, she is the circumstances above my state of mind, she is the irrestisible complexity of joy, she is the prettiest form of the solemn face. She is the miraculously-deafening sound that i want to hear everyday, she is the exquisitely eloquent spoken language, and she is a mind-blowing form of beauty. She is—
She is the best and i have no plan to make it past tense. This six month has been a roller coaster ride for us. She brought the best of me, and here we are, lost in everything that I lead her to, crawling down a way out to our freedom upon the things that i’ve build which has been falling apart on us.
To be frank, i have no single idea where to start. I want it quick but there are mixed feelings that somehow crashed into the state of situation that i never been standing on before. I wanna go away, disappear, really quick, but the voice within—ask me to fight whether than flight. So I found myself scrolling down every single thing of our journey. The chat bubbles, screenshots, playlists, pictures, notes, literally everything. I was surfing the waves in the river of tears at 5am after you decided to sleep your headache away.
Now I realize that I can only settling everything down to close the distance between us, to show-beyond-doubt if I could invent the propensity to ejecting back her tranquility of her life, with me. Then I started to rejoice everything, every nickname that changed every months, every food that we capture before we eat no matter how long we’ve been waiting, every gossip that we drop and laughing on about our surroundings, every flirts that we share to each other to make us go home sooner where home considered as each other’s arms, every dream car pictures that we always wished to drive in, every problem of people that we solve in our chatroom that sometimes makes us mad to each other, every gigs that we went to and ended up having a new direction of who is the next idol of us until the next gigs coming, every word substitution of inappropriate words on our chat that we decided if it has to sounds really cool when we are saying it, every dream house pictures that we share, mine was american football while yours was the only house in a green forest because you hate annoying neighbors like hell, every too-high dreams that got us excited until someone dropped it down so we are not over our mind. How cheerful it was.
In the other side, I remember everything. I remember how you iron your clothes tide on my bed next to a drawer with a thousand stickers on it, i remember how you put my hands on your thighs when we were driving out somewhere, i remember how much you like it when i sing in your ears before we fall asleep, i remember how happy you were with your triplets, mathilda, tres leches and tir-I-miss-you cake, i remember how we separate our way in the supermarket hallway because you read cute things in the products when i was sliding myself to the toys row for the sake of a HotWheels. I remember our first date, it was your birthday, i was there with that little slice of one of your most-wanted cake. I remember how you steal that squishy-bones in every fried chicken thighs i bought, i remember how you got mixed sad-mad feelings when you don’t get the sambal that you wanted. I remember how excited my feelings whenever I catch the notes of Things I Did With You up, it was 95 places over 198 days, we almost hit 100 places in 200 days >.< I remember how much you love Indomaret’s matcha green tea but only if it comes with soy milk, and it goes the same as the perfect couple of Animo’s bakery and coffee. I remember how tight you hug me when i’m sad, how comforting it was when my back was rubbed when i went emotional, i remember how stressed you were with your thesis, and everything about it. I remember how sad and sweet it was to be hugged from behind and cried together on Tulus performance. I remember how you judge my skill of riding your motorcycle, you sounds emotionally connected because you consider people who push their bike to the high RPM means their letting they’re torturing the bike because the bike sounds like it’s screaming, i remember how you scream on the voice notes, it was one of the hard times uh? I remember how lovely your face is, how happy you were and how mad you were on your graduation day. I remember how confusing it was to find the best flowers for your graduation day. I remember if you are the first girl that I ever hand a flower to. I remember you are the first for a lot of things. I remember everything about you. I remember how you love different things in a different time, you can love coffee this week, and you’ll love tea in the next couple days, yes you love things seasonally, and maybe my season is over.
I do remember too, the last time we met. I remember how hard we cry on each other’s shoulders, how tight we hug each other’s body, and how does that kiss felt. The kiss was slow, passionate, like the very first request when i crash my lips, on yours, when you were poisoned back on that day. I never felt so glad to be poisoned until that day. Then—I am so sorry, though. For everything, for the mess, chaos, and bad things. I was begging out loud for another chance, another shot, so I can see ourselves together under the bright sunshine, obviously later after I turn down the storm, so I can love you right, hug you warm, and kiss you soft. So i can see us hangin out in a backyard of a cafe, looking at you sippin a cold chocolate, while your shaking your head as the sign if you love what you get on the table. I want you to know it is hard for me to rub your pink For Her tees when i miss you. You are the calm inside my storm, let me be the spring without the fall.
So please, stay. I love you, inside out, and i’ll always will.
